Do you think you are
an abuser in your

Ask yourself about your behaviour…

As a husband/partner/boyfriend:

  • When you are in a relationship, do you always have to be the one in charge?
  • Do you believe that it is okay for you to behave in a certain way but not okay for your partner?
  • Have you ever forced or pressured your partner to do something against her wishes in order to get what you want?
  • Do you blame your partner for everything that goes wrong, insult her or put her down?
  • Are you so jealous that you stop your partner from going places or seeing other people without you?
  • Have you ever pushed, slapped or hit your partner? Has it happened more than once?
  • Have you ever been told that the way you treat your partner is abusive or unacceptable?

Controlling behaviors create fear in your partner, not love. Take a closer look at your behaviour and get help.
"Violence is not a loss of
control.  It's an attempt to
gain control."

Excerpt from Canada's Private Broadcasters' 1996 anti-Violence
Radio and Television Campaign

Violence is a learned behaviour - you can change if you get help.

Changing violent behaviour takes work and time but it's worth it!

Canadian Association of Broadcasters logo

Help for men who abuse...

Steps to take to end your controlling behaviour:

  • Take responsibility for your actions. You are responsible for your own behaviour. You can change if you get help.
  • Stop blaming your partner, alcohol, drugs, stress or anything else for your abusive behaviour. Blaming others for your own anger and jealousy is just a way to avoid taking responsibility. Blaming prevents change.
  • Learn new ways of coping with your feelings. For example, take a "time out". Stop and think about what you are doing. Walk away from the scene and allow yourself time to cool down. When you return to discuss the issues, give your partner time to express her viewpoint.
  • Seek professional help with a counsellor or in a group for abusive men. Be sure you are going for yourself, not just to get your partner back. Your community crisis line or local shelter for abused women can tell you where groups are available.
Material adapted from Vis-à-vis (Vol. 11 No. 4), a national newsletter on family violence, funded by Health Canada.

Violence - you can make a difference
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