Do you think you are
an abuser
in your
relationship?
Ask yourself about your
behaviour…
As a
husband/partner/boyfriend:
- When you are in a relationship, do
you always have to be the one in charge?
- Do you believe that it is okay for
you to behave in a certain way but not okay for your partner?
- Have you ever forced or
pressured your partner to do something against her wishes in order
to get what you want?
- Do you blame your partner for
everything that goes wrong, insult her or put her down?
- Are you so jealous that
you stop your partner from going places or seeing other people
without you?
- Have
you ever pushed, slapped or hit your partner? Has it happened more
than once?
- Have
you ever been told that the way you treat your partner is abusive or
unacceptable?
Controlling behaviors create fear in
your partner, not love. Take a closer look at your behaviour and get
help.
"Violence is not
a loss of
control. It's an attempt to
gain
control."
Excerpt from
Canada's Private Broadcasters' 1996
anti-Violence
Radio and Television
Campaign
|
Violence is a learned behaviour - you
can change if you get help.
Changing violent behaviour takes work
and time but it's worth it!
|
Help for men who abuse...
Steps to take to end your
controlling behaviour:
- Take responsibility for
your actions. You are responsible for your own
behaviour. You can change if you get help.
- Stop blaming
your partner, alcohol, drugs, stress or anything else for your
abusive behaviour. Blaming others for your own anger and jealousy
is just a way to avoid taking responsibility. Blaming prevents
change.
- Learn new ways of coping
with your feelings. For example, take a "time
out". Stop and think about what you are doing. Walk away from
the scene and allow yourself time to cool down. When you return to
discuss the issues, give your partner time to express her
viewpoint.
- Seek professional
help with a counsellor or in a group for abusive men.
Be sure you are going for yourself, not just to get your partner
back. Your community crisis line or local shelter for abused women
can tell you where groups are available.
Material adapted from Vis-à-vis (Vol. 11 No.
4), a national newsletter on family violence, funded by Health
Canada.
Également disponible en français
In
partnership with:
Canadian Heritage
Health
Canada
Department of Justice Canada |
Status of
Women Canada
Human Resources Development Canada
National
Defence
Royal Canadian Mounted
Police | |